I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
