You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
