I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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