becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
