My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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