Sry I called you an 8
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
