I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
