Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
