Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
