watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
