I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
