I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
