he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it was like eating out sand paper
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
