I just pynch a tree in the face
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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