guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
