I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
