He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
