well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think I am morally bankrupt
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
