He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
