Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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