the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
