Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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