You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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