happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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