haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
