someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
