After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
