I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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