i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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