Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
