Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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