I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
