Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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