dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
