420 ftw
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
