yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dont even know how to be here
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
