Porn is love you can see.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
