Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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