when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
