Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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