Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
