Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
