Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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