Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
sarcasm needs its own font
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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