There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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