He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
