Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
