My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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