I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
