i permit you to call me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
