we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
