normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
