There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
