I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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