i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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