I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
