I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
